AXEL (The Beckett Boys, Book Eight) Page 7

  There’s a tightness in my chest as I remember him saying that to people in the neighborhood, back before he got thrown in jail. Butch was never one for warm words, so those stuck with me for longer than they probably should have.

  There is a tattoo parlor I’ve kept my eye on over the past year or so. It looks like a decent place; I’ve also considered getting some ink done there. Maybe she’s right—I should go over there, show ‘em what I’ve got. What could it hurt?

  Before I can talk myself out of it, I grab my portfolio, which I’ve been setting up for a couple of years now, hop on my bike, and head there.

  It’s shocking how quickly I get hired on at the tattoo parlor. I showed them some of my work, and they asked me to sit down and do a test tattoo. I busted out a custom piece for a client wanting a memorial for her beloved dog, who died a couple of months ago.

  I took my time, making sure I got the nuances of his face right, taking care with my shading, my line work. I know they’ll be looking at that shit, and I can’t fuck it up. I want to impress them.

  But I’m an artist. I was born to do this work. That isn’t ego—it’s just that this is what I’m good at.

  I’m hired on to start immediately. I can’t stop the glow of confidence in me when I text Kendra that I got the job. And her warm praise just makes me feel good about myself, about the direction I’m heading in.

  There’s a lot of shit about myself I’m not facing right now. All the demons regarding my family. But in this moment, I can revel in a success. The fact is, I’m moving forward and doing something positive. Making money in a job I actually enjoy, not being a bitch for siblings who don’t care about me.

  A small step, but a step nonetheless.

  Kendra

  There’s a broad smile on my face as I come home tonight. Work was grueling as hell—Daddy ended up leaving before I did, which pretty much never happens. But I had a lot of things to do—there were city council members to talk to about the mall project, plus a few follow-up visits to make to folks in the target neighborhood, among other things.

  Axel and I still haven’t talked about this thing lingering between us, the issue of the mall project that brought us back into each other’s lives. At some point, we’ll have to face it, I know. But right now, I don’t want to.

  I want to keep exploring our chemistry without the weight of our differences separating us. Though it’s becoming more than just lust which keeps me coming back to him. Much more.

  Axel sent me a text message telling me about his first week at the new tattoo parlor he’s working at. A job he got because I encouraged him to pursue it. I can’t help but feel happy, proud, that I helped him go after what he deserves in life.

  And I want to support his dreams and aspirations. I care about him.

  Even if it scares me to care for someone who is ultimately so different from me, someone who I know my father would never accept.

  I head upstairs and freshen up before coming down to dinner. There’s a wonderful spread out on the table to greet me, and I thank the cook, Bettina, with warm appreciation then settle into my seat. “Hi, Daddy,” I say in greeting—he’s sitting at the head of the gorgeous eight-person cherry table I’ve always found beautiful. Between us is enough food to feed a family much bigger than ours. At least I’ll have lots of leftovers to bring to work tomorrow.

  “Evening, pumpkin,” he says, digging into his juicy turkey breast. He drizzles extra gravy across it, then dabs a dinner roll in the gravy. “Did you meet with everyone you wanted to today?”

  “I did.” I beam at him and reach for my glass of pinot. “Things are progressing nicely.” I spend a few minutes outlining what happened in my meetings.

  “Hmm, you’re awful chipper,” he muses, tilting his head as he scrutinizes me. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

  This is my opportunity to open up about Axel, the reason for my happy mood lately. Granted, Axel and I haven’t talked about being more serious. But we are certainly dating, that much I know. We see each other all the time now, talk frequently in text and on the phone, and we’re delving into learning more about what makes the other tick. It’s not just sex. It’s more than that.

  And I’m glad. I want more.

  I swallow and stab a piece of turkey with my fork. “Well. So, I’m kinda seeing someone.”

  Daddy pauses mid-bite, then swallows his food. “Oh. Is that right.” It isn’t a question. He sounds too carefully neutral. “Who is he, and where did you meet him?” He’s always been suspicious of anyone I date because of being so protective over me, so I anticipated him being less than enthused.

  Here it goes. I straighten my back and look him square in the eye. “It’s Axel Bennett. The guy we, uh, met when we went to his neighborhood, regarding the mall project.”

  “Yes, I remember who he is,” my father says in a clipped tone. The sudden shift in his attitude from wary to hostile is drastic and makes my stomach lurch. I put my fork down. “I’m also pretty sure I warned you about seeing guys like him.”

  I draw in a slow breath through my nostrils, then exhale. “I heard you. But this is different. He isn’t like that—we enjoy being around each other, and he’s really sweet to me.”

  “So you’ve been seeing him without even bothering to tell me.” His voice drips with disdain now. “I wonder why you even bother to bring it up to me now, if you’re so determined to do whatever you want.”

  My eyes start to sting at the chastisement in his voice, and my chest is tight. Why does he have to be so rude about this? I’ve spent so many years doing everything I can to please him. But I meet one man who makes me feel amazing, a man he doesn’t approve of, and it’s suddenly it’s like I’m stupid and stubborn. Like nothing I’ve done to this point matters. “This isn’t about you. It’s about what I think is good for me. I’m an adult, and I can decide.”

  “Ah, yes.” Daddy dabs his mouth with his cloth napkin, then drops it back in his lap. “The adult, freshly graduated from college with a serious job she got from her father. Yeah, tell me more about what a grownup you are, will you?”

  I stand up and shove my chair back. “You’re being a jerk.”

  He stands and stares at me, clapping his hands hard on the table. The sound echoes between us. “And you’re not thinking straight. Guys like this, they are nothing more than users. He’ll use you and discard you when he’s done. He doesn’t contribute anything to society.”

  “He’s not a user. He likes me for who I am. And he does contribute. He’s an artist,” I say. “You should see his work. He does amazing…” I drawl off, trying to find a way to tell him that Axel does beautiful tattoos without it sounding like a negative. Because I know Daddy will judge it. He’ll probably see it as more proof that Axel is just a dirty lowlife. But perhaps if he saw the designs Axel showed me, he’d think differently.

  Axel is so skilled that anyone with two eyes can see he has a gift.

  “Kendra.” Daddy sighs heavily. “You’re young and beautiful, and you come from money. Of course he’s going to be interested in you.”

  And the bitter tears come out now—I wipe at them furiously. My heart stings from his words. “So you’re saying I have no other qualities to offer beyond what I can do to advance someone else, or my looks.” That’s shitty. Why would he say that?

  “ Heck no.” He rakes his hand through his hair. “You’re misunderstanding me. You have a lot of amazing qualities. I just don’t want to see you hurt by someone who doesn’t deserve you.”

  “It’s up to me to determine that,” I whisper. “Not you.”

  He shakes his head. “I know you think he’s amazing. But I’m unconvinced of his potential. I think you should aim higher, not with someone…”

  “Someone who’s poor like him,” I finish. “Without money.”

  “No, someone who can’t ever possibly be good enough for you. He isn’t motivated, he isn’t driven to succeed in life.”

  “For someone who never
bothers to ask me what I want, who just makes assumptions, you sure think you know a lot about me and the kind of person I want to end up with,” I say hotly. I step away from the table—my stomach is too sour to eat now.

  “Where are you going?” my dad demands. “We’re not done talking about this.”

  “I can’t be here right now. I need space.” I leave the dining room.

  I need distance, time to think. But more than that, I need to be around Axel. Someone who cares about me for who I am on the inside, not for what I offer him. We haven’t talked about my family’s money at all, so unless he’s playing the long con, I’m right in my opinion of him. He isn’t after our fortune. He likes me.

  I go to my room and pack a small bag, then leave the house without saying goodbye, hop in my car and dial Axel on the way. My heart is in my throat, and it’s hard to swallow. “Hey,” I say when he picks up.

  “What’s wrong?” He instantly detects my mood.

  “I just… Can I come stay with you? For a day or two? Is that asking too much?” I didn’t think ahead, just blindly jumped in the car and drove. But if it is, I’ll get a hotel and figure shit out.

  “Of course you can.”

  The fact that he doesn’t hesitate makes my chest warm with gratitude and relief.

  When I arrive at his house, my tummy is a mess of knots once again. I sling my bag over my shoulder and stride toward his door, unsure what to expect. What if this is a bad idea? What if Daddy is right and I’m reading into things, and Axel really doesn’t care about me the way I think he does?

  I stand in place, hovering in front of his door, when it suddenly opens, and Axel is there, his bold eyes on mine, hair mussed in that sexy way I love. He’s wearing a faded black T-shirt and pair of jeans, and he tugs me toward him.

  “C’mere,” he murmurs, and then I’m against his chest, and my eyes are watering again and I cling to him. Breathe him in. Relish the feel of his comfort. He closes the door behind me then wraps me in his arms in a full embrace.

  We don’t speak. I just remain in his arms. He presses soft kisses to my brow, giving me space and time without pressing me to speak. I’m so grateful for that. I just lean into him, absorbing his heat and strength.

  Finally, I pull back. “Axel,” I say in a low whisper. “What…” I struggle to find the words I’m seeking. “What are we? I mean, I don’t want to make assumptions. But…it feels like we are more than just, um, friends with benefits, or a random hookup.”

  Axel draws in a slow breath. Exhales. He takes my hand and leads me to the couch. I drop my bag at my feet and curl against him on the cushions. “Do we need to define it?” he asks. I can tell he’s being sincere in the question.

  I shift to snuggle closer to him. “I… Look, I’m not asking you for anything. I just want to know this isn’t only sex.” There. I said it. I pull back to eye him. I can’t read the expression on his face. “What is this to you? For real.”

  Axel scrutinizes me then huffs a sigh, scratching his jaw. “If I were smart, this would be only sex. Nothing complicated. But…”

  “But?” I nudge, needing to hear what he’s thinking and feeling.

  “But no, the way I think about you isn’t just sexual,” he finishes. “We’re very different people from different worlds, so I don’t know what it means or where we go from here. That’s all I got right now, sweetness.”

  At this moment, that’s enough. It proves to me that I’m not crazy. That he feels it too. I lean forward and press a soft kiss to his mouth.

  He deepens the kiss, digging his fingers into my hair and opening my mouth for him in the process. I let my troubles fade away with him, just feel, without censoring myself or worrying about what will happen.

  I need him.

  Axel strips off my clothing with slow, purposeful movements. I do the same for him. Then we’re both naked, bared to each other. I feel vulnerable, but not in a bad way. In a way that makes my heart soar. He takes my hand and leads me to his room, lays me down on his bed.

  When he enters my wet pussy, we’re locked together, eyes and bodies and hands entwined. The energy between us is potent, almost tangible. Intimate. And for once, I allow myself to just feel. To not worry about what it means. We’ll figure that out in the future. For now, it’s enough to know that Axel views me as more than just a booty call, despite both of our misgivings.

  We’re not just fucking right now. We’re connecting on a deep, intimate level. And I desperately needed that with him. I needed the comfort only he can give me.

  When we’re done, we remain tangled in each other, legs entwined, bodies slick with sweat, breaths panting. I draw swirls on his skin as he regales me with stories of the crazy things he and his brothers did in the past.

  His voice soothes me. Relaxes me.

  I fall asleep in his embrace, feeling lighter and happier than I have in ages.

  The next morning, I awaken to an empty bed. I pause and stretch in between the sheets. Morning light is glinting through the windows, casting a golden glow in the room. I pause and listen for him.

  Downstairs I can hear movement in the house. I toss on a T-shirt and pair of shorts from my bag then go toward the noise, which is in the kitchen. Axel is there in nothing but a pair of jeans, cracking eggs into a bowl and whipping milk into them. Is there anything sexier?

  When he sees me, his whole face gets warm, and I’m filled with a sudden flush of emotion I don’t expect. Something about the intimacy of this morning makes my heart skip. I need this man on a level deeper than I’m ready to admit.

  “Good morning,” he says. “I have coffee ready. You want some?”

  “Yes, please,” I groan, sliding beside him and pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder. He smells like our sex, and it just makes my head light.

  He pauses to grab a chipped mug and pours me a cup. “Creamer, sugar?”

  “Sugar would be great.” A sudden bashfulness hits me as I realize we don’t yet know each other’s morning routines. There’s a strange intimacy in sharing this with him. Does he feel it too? The casualness in his body language indicates not.

  Stop overthinking, I demand myself. I told myself earlier that I wasn’t going to do that. That I was just going to enjoy the moment.

  “Um,” I say after he hands me the container of sugar. I pour it into my drink. “So, what are you up to today?”

  “I’m off. You?”

  “No plans. I’m taking off work. I need a break.” The words are delivered lightly. I can’t tell what he’s thinking about what I say or if he even wants to hang out with me.

  He doesn’t respond.

  I bite my lower lip and focus on stirring my coffee. My heart is sinking. “Well, if you want me to head out, that’s no problem. Thanks for letting me crash with you last night—” A hand stroking my hip causes me to stop talking.

  Axel’s mouth glides along my throat, shoulder. “Don’t go. Let’s do something together today.”

  I can’t fight the brilliance that explodes in my chest at his words. “Yeah?” I spin and face him.

  His warmth emanates from him. “Yeah. So you’re free the whole day?”

  “I’m taking a sick day,” I declare. I will text my dad and let him know. I need space from him, anyway. I’m still hurt by last night’s argument, and I don’t want to see him yet. Not when I’m so raw.

  “Let’s do something fun,” Axel says with a grin. “I have an idea.”

  “Oh?” I’m buoyed by excitement. “That sounds promising.”

  “After we eat, you should get ready. Wear light clothes if you have any with you.” He swats my ass, and I laugh at the gesture, which feels so familiar and relaxed. “Now, let’s get breakfast done.”

  We eat in comfortable silence and then get ready. I shower with Axel, which turns into a heavy make out session. As badly as I want to have sex and linger in bed with him for hours, I’m more excited to see what he has planned for us. So we pull away and get dressed, then head to his motorcy
cle.

  Axel pauses and grabs a bag on the back. “I…got you a helmet,” he says. He’s speaking casually, but there’s more in his words than that.

  He bought me a helmet.

  Because he’s planning on me riding with him more. It’s not just sex between us. You don’t buy a helmet for someone you’re only interested in being in bed with.

  And all my doubt slips away at this one small gesture. I’m suddenly comforted, relieved, heady with happiness. I take the bag and grab the helmet out of it. It’s blood-red, and it fits perfectly.

  Before he closes the visor, Axel smiles. “You were wearing a dress this color when I first met you.” He drops a kiss on my nose, then closes the visor.

  I hop on the back of the bike, resting against his warm form, and feel the rumble of the vibrations as he starts the ride. It’s easy to curl against his back as we weave down the roads, the wind whipping around us.

  Being on the motorcycle with Axel, I feel…free. Lighter than air. No responsibilities, no pressure. Just existing in this moment with a man I like, wrapped around him, feeling the solidness of his body between my legs and trusting him to drive us wherever we’re going.

  We head through the national park, and I try to stay still as I look at the beautiful scenery flying by. Brilliant green leaves filling out on trees everywhere. Michigan has some incredible views for those who take the time to explore its wealth.

  At the far end of the national park, Axel guides the motorcycle to a small parking lot and backs into the spot, and I hop off, putting the helmet in the bag. I fluff my hair while he gets off the bike.

  “So where are we going?” I ask him.

  He motions to me. “Just come along.” He takes my hand, and our fingers weave together.

  We walk down a wooded trail for a good half mile, checking out the flora in silence, before Axel suddenly tugs me off the trail and branches left.

  We continue on our way, stepping over tree trunks and various hazards in our way. The path is faint, but there, and Axel is unfailing in guiding me through it. It’s clear he’s been here before, more than once. I can’t help but be curious—where is he leading me?